Life Bearing Down

Well life on this side of the world continues. Work today was really good, I learned loads, I tried helping fix a flat tire but couldn't avail much (not to worry -- a call to AAA and everything was fixed), and then I had some stuff I did with my Bishop and our EQ presidency, and that was awesome too, I found out who the two new councilors are and one of them is one of my closest friends (also an electrical engineer, we've had classes together), and then afterwards played some games with another kid in my ward named Justin who is pretty cool. I learned so much (and I mean SO much) today about handling and disposing and identifying risks of chemicals (since there are so many dangerous chemicals on site at the IM Flash fab, it is considered a chemical plant as well), about safety, and about semiconductor development processes. Pretty much got a full rundown of everything. It was intense, but awesome. The production areas in the fab (fabrication area, where they construct the circuitry) were amazing. Purely amazing. And I knew partially what to expect. But there was still no other experience quite like going into the fab.

Some information so you can understand the unique world the fabrication area is: First, it is what is called a clean room. And it is HUGE. Like costco huge, the size of a warehouse. A clean room is just pretty much a sealed room in which the internal environment is extremely controlled. The circuitry we are building is 20 nano-meters across when a cell is completed. That is somewhere around 250 times smaller than the diameter of a human hair I believe. So, the production environment has to be clean. And I mean, CLEAN. For one thing, normal air has between 300,000 and 1,000,000 particles in it per cubic foot. This particular clean room is class 100, which means it has less than 100 per cubic foot. So the air itself is about 5,000 (no exaggeration, I calculated that value) times cleaner than normal air. The clean room has sealed doors to get in and out, and to get inside you have to complete a TON of training, have security access, and know how to suit up. You end up wearing various suit equipment that covers everything but your eyes so that you don't contaminate the clean room by breathing or shedding hair or skin or anything like that. The circuitry is so small that just one particle can destroy it. The environment also has controlled temperature, humidity, pressure, etc, just about everything you can think of. So that added to my awe of the facility too. But even more awe inspiring was seeing everything work. The machines (referred to henceforth as tools) in the clean room (referred to henceforth as "fab") range in size from the size of a normal dresser to the size of two average cars. And they range in price from $1,000,000 to $50,000,000 each. Each. And there are on the order of a hundred. It is insane. Also, there is this automated system that runs on tracks built in the underside of the ceiling that carries all of the discs they build the circuitry on (henceforth each single disc will be referred to as a "wafer") to and from each machine as the wafers get processed. They all just speed around on the underside of the ceiling and get dropped into and lifted out of the tools and even get put in storage that hangs above your head. It was intense. Each bare wafer, before it is processed at all and before anything gets built on it, costs $100. About $1,000 and 33 days later (after like 700 processes), each wafer is worth over $5,000. And they are contained and transported in sets of 25, so each little case, which is maybe a foot-and-a-half cube (The wafers are 12-inch round plates, stacked on each other, about the thickness of a quarter) is worth well over $100,000. So you want to be careful with them... haha. Anyways, so walking into the fab was like walking into a spaceship. Only more advanced, more clean, and more expensive. And even cooler. It felt like an unreal world, a world of shiny metal and glass and machines and whirring tracks and computers galore. A place where technology grows like plants. A technological rain-forest. This particular facility, the one I work at, produces the most advanced memory in the world. The MOST advanced. In the WORLD. EVER. As in, this is it, as good as it exists, there is nothing more advanced on the planet. Not even at other facilities. So I guess I should have prepared for the awe.. but it was still almost ridiculous. And now I work there. Just wow. There are over 1000 employees there, and they just brought on 27 interns, all of us working in different areas. There were notices posted about the new interns coming in (who came from several states, not just from BYU and the state of Utah), and the notices said how IMFT (my company, Intel-Micron Flash Technologies) had selected "the finest of each university" to work there. So I felt cool. I am certainly not the finest, and it turns out I was hired super super late (most of the interns knew they were hired and would be working sometime last fall, and applied even earlier), and I am super super young. Even the other interns are usually about at least a year further than me in school, and range in typical age (as far as I have asked each one) from 23ish to 29. I am sure there are some people there that are like 22, but few. And even fewer, if any, 21. I was talking to one of the other BYU Electrical Engineering interns, (who is a senior, married, RM, etc.) and he said he was surprised they had hired me, being as young and lacking as many classes as I am. His comments irked me a little, but I just brushed it off, he didn't mean to be mean, we were just talking about how much of an odd hire I was. Hopefully I can keep up. I hope I can. It is interesting not knowing if I will be able to do something, to learn something new and excel at it. I am too used to gliding by. And now I work 8 hours every day with some of the brightest, most educated people I have met. It is wildly fun (for me, some interns don't like it), immensely interesting, and the more I learn about it, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for someone my age and experience. Heavenly Father definitely set this up. By my own merits alone, I shouldn't be there. I'm just not good enough now, or experienced enough. But He knows what He is doing. And the company did hire me, so they must think I can do it... maybe they just took on a liability.. we'll see. I'll know more about my actual project by the end of the week.

Well, huge digression, but I had to say a few words. I was going to explain the basic fabrication processes and what they do an why, but I'll refrain, even though it is like the coolest thing ever. Building circuitry and electronics that are so small you can't even see the structures under a normal microscope. (You need SEM, a scanning electron microscope). Anyways, I conclude that portion. Oh, and the lunch we got was probably the best lunch I have had all month, in the top five of the year. Awesome. And we have continual access to free, unlimited hot-chocolate. Very awesome.

So yeah, my life is pretty awesome. I've been blessed beyond measure. I could not have asked for better experiences, or better opportunities. You think I'd be the happiest guy on the Earth. And typically, I am super happy. I love life. And that is still so, but there are still those moments when I step back and just deeply desire more on an emotional and spiritual level. More time for peace. More time for people who understand me. More time for the people I love. More time to study my scriptures and pray. Some time to just sit and talk. A tangible source of comfort. Someone wonderful. I am finding it a little distressing working 8 hours a day somewhere so ridiculously ridiculous, with people who seem to think me a child, immature, undeveloped, even when it is true when you compare me to the rest who are five, ten years my elders, seniors, graduates, married, and just generally much more knowledgeable and experienced; I don't mind not being the best anymore. I used to struggle with that. Now it's just that sometimes after a long day I want something to come home to, something more than just a place I live. Well, that's about the extent of it. I think the stress is just coming from my suddenly greatly increased workload. And all the unknowns I still have to get to know at work too probably. And just not feeling as close as I'd like to to the people around me. I just need to get used to it really. Learn how to function outside the BYU bubble, how to function a little more in the real world. I just needed to vent for about a paragraph. I feel better already. Venting done.

I know I'll be alright. Whenever I seek, I find comfort from the Lord. Heavenly Father knows our needs and is willing to give us everything we need :) I know that is as true for me now as it has ever been. I really do know. So I know I'll be alright. I do sometimes feel these feelings of intimidation, not feeling like I am good enough, and these feelings of loneliness, feeling just a whole plethora of feelings that pretty much sum to that. But I do know Christ and Heavenly Father know what I am going through, and they can help me if I am willing to work with them on it. They really care, they really help. So life is good :) It moves on. A year from now my stresses and worries on this moment in time won't mean much. Probably nothing. But knowing I have people I can turn to means everything. And knowing I can receive divine support means everything too. The things I am learning now are going to help me immensely in the future. Both on a mission and just in life. So I'm glad to have the opportunity to learn. To grow. Life is good :)